it’s 4 am. i went to bed a few hours ago, and have yet to sleep. i beg forgiveness for typos, but i’m not wearing my glasses, and it’s hard to correct what i can’t see. i have a lot of work to do in the morning which is coming all too soon.
i had an incident with a close friend tonight. as background, i avoid conflict like the plague, but with this friend i made a conscsious decision to be honest and communicative evevn if it was hard from the beginning.
this friend really breached my trust. a subversion wrapped in a lie. there was a confrontation, there were tears, it was hashed out. i got numerous, very sincere apologies; i accepted them. i forgive very easily. but i’m not a believer in forgive and forget.
now, i’ve been lying in bed and running over every single exchange that has occured between us, um, ever and they’re all being seen in light of this single incident – how much can i actually believe with this new precedent?
but during our conversation, i was still hurt, but it wasn’t unmendable.
when i’m cannibalizing my thoughts inside my brain, i’m not as sure. which vision is the truth: the one inside or outside the situation? can the outside view – the hardline – really take into account the whole picture… especially in such a nebulous situation? am i getting in my own way of the inside view and opting for the easier choice?
how do i know which of my own instincts to heed?
is there any single truth?